Directions Through the Storm
Apr. 11th, 2020 06:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
queenkatyastarTitle: Directions Through the Storm
Author: Katya Starling
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Characters/Pairing: Josiah/Nathan
Rating: PG/K+
Challenge/Prompt: Fan FlashWorks 295: Play, Short Fics 63: Let me finish this one thing alone., Lands of Magic: April Monthly Writing Prompts: Miracle, Gen Prompt Bingo: Friendship, and All Bingo: Free Space: Caught in the Rain
Word Count: 2,282
Date Written: 6 April 2020
Warnings: None
Summary: Nathan tries to pull Josiah away from his penance and to be there for the man he loves.
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
"Come on, Josiah!" Nathan urged. "We ain't getting any younger, and it ain't like your wall's got a stopping point!"
"Of course it does." Josiah finally stopped long enough to wipe some sweat from his furrowed brow. "Everything living and nonliving has a stopping point. You know that, brother."
"I know that all work and no play makes anybody's life boring." Nathan blew his rising aggravation out of his nose. "I know you ain't been no fun for a couple weeks now."
"Just let me finish this one thing alone."
"Look, brother," Nathan countered, using Josiah's terminology on him, "I know what tonight is. I know it ain't a good night, and it damn sure ain't a good time for you to be alone." He placed a hand on Josiah's shoulder. He'd always had large hands, but clasping Josiah's shoulder was still like trying to hold a mountain in place, something he'd figured he'd be doing this week long before tonight. Yet if his dearest friend wouldn't allow him near when he did break, how was he to help him?
People who needed help but were too stubborn to ask for it had always been thorns in the healer's side, even long before the Civil War when the desperate times had finally given him a chance to work what he'd learned on all men who needed his assistance. Josiah needed it now, but the damn mule was too stubborn to ask for it, or even allow it. "Josiah -- " His own voice broke as he rubbed the Preacher's shoulder.
He felt like pleading with him, even begging him to let him in, but he knew it would do no good. Josiah wouldn't cave until he was ready, and even then he'd only do it in the presence of anyone else if he felt like he had no choice. "You know you can be honest with me," he whispered, struggling to speak for the intense emotions that clogged his throat and yearned to keep his words at bay. His big, dark eyes did beg him, though, to let him in, to be honest with him, to let him see and catch his tears.
Josiah shoved him off. "Just let me do this, Nathan. I'll be into town before dark."
"Promise me," Nathan said, his voice still choking. "That church of yours needs working."
Josiah squinted up at the sun. "Sometimes," he confessed, another large brick in his soiled hands, "I wonder if God really wants me to finish that church."
"'Course he does. Somebody needs to reach these heathens."
Josiah chuckled. "We're all heathens, brother, in one sense or another." He jerked his head at his column. "But let me finish this and I'll ride in."
"You could let me help. Let us help. You know, the others are worried about you too."
"Shouldn't worry about an old man. We're all gonna keel over sooner or later."
"Josiah!" Nathan fumed, but the Preacher only shrugged his massive shoulders.
"It's the truth," he said, his blue eyes almost seeming to dare Nathan to disagree. "We're all only gonna live 'til we die, brother, and with the lives we live -- "
"With the lives we live, we especially need each other. We need to be around one another. We need to open up to each other and help each other heal. That's what the Lord wants. You said so yourself, when you were talking about why we were brought together back in that Indian village in the beginning," he pointed out.
Josiah chuckled again and actually flashed Nathan a wide, tooth-filled grin. "You like using my words against me, don't you, brother?"
Nathan stepped closer and placed a hand on the brick Josiah was holding. "How's this for using your words against you? I love you. We were meant to be together, meant to find each other and the others. Gods wants us to heal together as lovers and as a family. We can't heal if we're not honest with each other."
Josiah nodded. "That's all true," he spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. He arched a thick, gray eyebrow at Nathan. "But are you ready to talk about your slave days?"
Nathan recoiled, pulling his hand back from the brick as though he'd only just felt how scorching hot the sun had made it. "All right," he said, nodding slowly. "If that's the way you wanna play it -- "
"Sometimes, Nathan," Josiah admitted with a heavy sigh, placing the brick into place, "it hurts worse to talk about pain. Then you can't run from it. You can't distract yourself from it." His gray head again inclined toward the wall of bricks, and Nathan understood. This wasn't just penance for his lover; it was also a way of distracting his mind from the truth, and from the death anniversary of his sister. "Sometimes the best thing you can do is to stay busy. Idle hands are the Devil's workshop, after all, brother, and we don't have a good fight to get into."
Nathan grinned at him, hoping his smile would be contagious as it often seemed to do with Josiah. "I'm sure we could find one."
Laughter barked out of Josiah's throat, and Nathan grinned whole-heartedly. That was a better reaction than anything for which he'd dared to hope when he'd rode out here this morning! "How about it?" he pressed. "Come work on the church with us. These bricks'll still be here tomorrow, or next week," he added hopefully.
Josiah eyed him. "With us?"
"Sure. The guys're already working on it."
"You're kidding me." Josiah looked doubtfully at him. He could Chris, Vin, and even JD helping easily enough, but the other two would never willingly lift a finger to help build his church. "You got Buck out of bed?" he pressed, knowing there was no way the gambler was included.
"Sure did. He's been there all day. 'Course we've had some womenfolk coming by to check on us all, but he's still stayed and been working most of the day."
Josiah wiped his hands on his dusty pants, which didn't really help clean them at all; Nathan made a mental note to whisk his clothes away the next time he was in the bathhouse, or actually slept longer than he did after one of their lovemaking nights, which had not been happening nearly enough for a while now. "Come see for yourself," he encouraged again.
"Maybe I oughta do that," Josiah admitted at long last, but then he looked back at his bricks. "Let me finish this line or two. Then I'll come." He went back to laying his bricks and only paused once more to look back up at Nathan when he realized he was still standing there. "I promise. I'll be there before sunset. But leave me to this for now, please, okay?"
Nathan sighed and blew out an aggravated breath. "Okay," he said, his shoulders slumping with his defeat.
Josiah waited until he was at last alone before sinking, with a heavy sigh, down onto a large boulder, which was the only thing he ever kept close enough out here in the hot desert sun on which to sit. He wiped his brow again and shook his grizzled head. "Lord, I don't understand this. Every time I think I'm starting to understand Your plan, I get confused again." He didn't notice that he was now in shade as clouds gathered together to block the sizzling sun. "You know I don't deserve this, don't deserve their friendship, sure as heck don't deserve Nathan and this . . . whatever this thing between us is. But You keep on and You keep letting them keep on. I know we got free will and all that, but You could easily throw me a bone and get them distracted with something, anything."
He kicked at the sand beneath his feet. "Not that You're gonna. You've made that plenty clear enough. You want 'em in my life for some reason, want us all in each other's lives. Even today," he added in clear confusion. "I don't know why You want 'em in my life. They deserve better, especially Nathan." He shook his head. "But You keep 'em comin'. Keep him coming."
His head lowered as tears welled in his eyes. He closed his eyes against the torrent that he was barely holding back, and had been barely holding at bay for most of the last week. Today was the day, and his pain was even greater. He wished something could take it away, but no amount of love, alcohol, or even redemption could make him forget what he'd done and allowed to happen. Nothing could make him forget that for which he was responsible.
Part of him wanted to go to town, wanted to surround himself with Nathan and their friends, with beer and laughter and good or bad times with the guys, but he knew he didn't deserve any of that. He didn't deserve anything good. He most especially didn't deserve Nathan, the love he so freely and readily offered him any time he allowed himself to reach for it, or his friends and all they offered. Still, he couldn't help thinking about just leaving this mess right here and going after them. Even if he did, though, it wasn't like he was going to forget. He could never forget.
Thunder suddenly roared across the darkened sky. Wind whipped at Josiah, almost knocking his kerchief loose off of his head; he had to grab it and retie it to keep it on. He blinked as he looked up at the sky through his unshed tears. His mouth opened to ask a question, and a fat raindrop fell onto his parched tongue. More rain fell, beating down on him. He laughed but finally listened and made his way to his waiting horse.
The air around him almost seemed to sizzle as the raindrops pelted the sand all around them. Josiah ducked low across his mare's dark back as he rode Chaucer hard on the way back into town. To his surprise, Nathan met him just outside the last shop. "Thought you'd let the rain keep you away," the healer called to him over the rumbling thunder.
Josiah grinned at him. "You know me better'n that, brother. I'd never let a storm keep me away from spirits."
Nathan just laughed and shook his head. He couldn't think of an actual response to give the crazy man he loved so much. They both knew he'd been using every excuse to stay away all day, so for him to just claim that he'd let nothing keep him away was . . . ridiculous, Nate thought. Ridiculous but funny and ironic and so very Josiah. He kept shaking his head as they rode together not to the stables as he'd thought he would head but to the church.
Ezra was still polishing the door. Bucklin waved at them from the other side of the single window. Vin tipped his hat to both from where he leaned against a beam on the porch. JD poked his head into the window and waved. Josiah looked up at where Chris was still working on the roof in the rain and shook his head.
"Yeah," Nathan drawled, "you're not the only stubborn jackass. Now let's get the horses out of this mess."
Josiah laughed, and Nathan smiled, his dark eyes twinkling, at the way his lover's booming laughter commingled with the equally booming sounds of thunder. They rode, side by side, to the stables, but Josiah beat him in dismounting. By the time Nathan slid off of his saddle, the Preacher was already there beside him, waiting for his boots to hit the hay-strewn floor. "What . . . ?" Nathan started to ask uncertainly, but Josiah didn't give him a chance to speak.
Instead, alone and unseen by all but God in the corridor, Josiah cupped Nathan's face in his strong yet gentle hands and pressed his lips to his. He kissed him long and deep, and when he finally let up, he still held him and touched his forehead to his. "Thank you," he spoke.
"For what?" Nathan asked breathlessly, dazed and confused.
"For being here for me. For loving me, even when I'm a jackass. Even when I don't deserve it, and I know I don't."
"We've all done things, Josiah. None of us really deserve anything good, but God wants everyone to be loved. You know that. You told me that once," he whispered.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did." The Preacher smiled and nodded. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Josiah realized it had stopped raining. God had sent the storm just long enough to direct him home. It didn't matter that it was no longer raining; he wasn't going back out, not tonight and probably not even for the rest of the week unless something unforeseen come up. He was right where he belonged, right where he wanted to be, and most importantly of all, right where God wanted him to be.
"Still, thank you," he insisted. And thank you, Lord, for blessing me with this miracle of a man, our love, and our family. He felt almost like crying, but if he was to cry now, it would all be good tears. He was blessed, though he didn't deserve it, and damn it, he wouldn't forget again! Nor would he ever again take Nathan for granted. Still cupping his face and holding him close, Josiah kissed him again and again and again. The boys would have to wait a little while longer still after all.
The End
Author: Katya Starling
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven
Characters/Pairing: Josiah/Nathan
Rating: PG/K+
Challenge/Prompt: Fan FlashWorks 295: Play, Short Fics 63: Let me finish this one thing alone., Lands of Magic: April Monthly Writing Prompts: Miracle, Gen Prompt Bingo: Friendship, and All Bingo: Free Space: Caught in the Rain
Word Count: 2,282
Date Written: 6 April 2020
Warnings: None
Summary: Nathan tries to pull Josiah away from his penance and to be there for the man he loves.
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
"Come on, Josiah!" Nathan urged. "We ain't getting any younger, and it ain't like your wall's got a stopping point!"
"Of course it does." Josiah finally stopped long enough to wipe some sweat from his furrowed brow. "Everything living and nonliving has a stopping point. You know that, brother."
"I know that all work and no play makes anybody's life boring." Nathan blew his rising aggravation out of his nose. "I know you ain't been no fun for a couple weeks now."
"Just let me finish this one thing alone."
"Look, brother," Nathan countered, using Josiah's terminology on him, "I know what tonight is. I know it ain't a good night, and it damn sure ain't a good time for you to be alone." He placed a hand on Josiah's shoulder. He'd always had large hands, but clasping Josiah's shoulder was still like trying to hold a mountain in place, something he'd figured he'd be doing this week long before tonight. Yet if his dearest friend wouldn't allow him near when he did break, how was he to help him?
People who needed help but were too stubborn to ask for it had always been thorns in the healer's side, even long before the Civil War when the desperate times had finally given him a chance to work what he'd learned on all men who needed his assistance. Josiah needed it now, but the damn mule was too stubborn to ask for it, or even allow it. "Josiah -- " His own voice broke as he rubbed the Preacher's shoulder.
He felt like pleading with him, even begging him to let him in, but he knew it would do no good. Josiah wouldn't cave until he was ready, and even then he'd only do it in the presence of anyone else if he felt like he had no choice. "You know you can be honest with me," he whispered, struggling to speak for the intense emotions that clogged his throat and yearned to keep his words at bay. His big, dark eyes did beg him, though, to let him in, to be honest with him, to let him see and catch his tears.
Josiah shoved him off. "Just let me do this, Nathan. I'll be into town before dark."
"Promise me," Nathan said, his voice still choking. "That church of yours needs working."
Josiah squinted up at the sun. "Sometimes," he confessed, another large brick in his soiled hands, "I wonder if God really wants me to finish that church."
"'Course he does. Somebody needs to reach these heathens."
Josiah chuckled. "We're all heathens, brother, in one sense or another." He jerked his head at his column. "But let me finish this and I'll ride in."
"You could let me help. Let us help. You know, the others are worried about you too."
"Shouldn't worry about an old man. We're all gonna keel over sooner or later."
"Josiah!" Nathan fumed, but the Preacher only shrugged his massive shoulders.
"It's the truth," he said, his blue eyes almost seeming to dare Nathan to disagree. "We're all only gonna live 'til we die, brother, and with the lives we live -- "
"With the lives we live, we especially need each other. We need to be around one another. We need to open up to each other and help each other heal. That's what the Lord wants. You said so yourself, when you were talking about why we were brought together back in that Indian village in the beginning," he pointed out.
Josiah chuckled again and actually flashed Nathan a wide, tooth-filled grin. "You like using my words against me, don't you, brother?"
Nathan stepped closer and placed a hand on the brick Josiah was holding. "How's this for using your words against you? I love you. We were meant to be together, meant to find each other and the others. Gods wants us to heal together as lovers and as a family. We can't heal if we're not honest with each other."
Josiah nodded. "That's all true," he spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. He arched a thick, gray eyebrow at Nathan. "But are you ready to talk about your slave days?"
Nathan recoiled, pulling his hand back from the brick as though he'd only just felt how scorching hot the sun had made it. "All right," he said, nodding slowly. "If that's the way you wanna play it -- "
"Sometimes, Nathan," Josiah admitted with a heavy sigh, placing the brick into place, "it hurts worse to talk about pain. Then you can't run from it. You can't distract yourself from it." His gray head again inclined toward the wall of bricks, and Nathan understood. This wasn't just penance for his lover; it was also a way of distracting his mind from the truth, and from the death anniversary of his sister. "Sometimes the best thing you can do is to stay busy. Idle hands are the Devil's workshop, after all, brother, and we don't have a good fight to get into."
Nathan grinned at him, hoping his smile would be contagious as it often seemed to do with Josiah. "I'm sure we could find one."
Laughter barked out of Josiah's throat, and Nathan grinned whole-heartedly. That was a better reaction than anything for which he'd dared to hope when he'd rode out here this morning! "How about it?" he pressed. "Come work on the church with us. These bricks'll still be here tomorrow, or next week," he added hopefully.
Josiah eyed him. "With us?"
"Sure. The guys're already working on it."
"You're kidding me." Josiah looked doubtfully at him. He could Chris, Vin, and even JD helping easily enough, but the other two would never willingly lift a finger to help build his church. "You got Buck out of bed?" he pressed, knowing there was no way the gambler was included.
"Sure did. He's been there all day. 'Course we've had some womenfolk coming by to check on us all, but he's still stayed and been working most of the day."
Josiah wiped his hands on his dusty pants, which didn't really help clean them at all; Nathan made a mental note to whisk his clothes away the next time he was in the bathhouse, or actually slept longer than he did after one of their lovemaking nights, which had not been happening nearly enough for a while now. "Come see for yourself," he encouraged again.
"Maybe I oughta do that," Josiah admitted at long last, but then he looked back at his bricks. "Let me finish this line or two. Then I'll come." He went back to laying his bricks and only paused once more to look back up at Nathan when he realized he was still standing there. "I promise. I'll be there before sunset. But leave me to this for now, please, okay?"
Nathan sighed and blew out an aggravated breath. "Okay," he said, his shoulders slumping with his defeat.
Josiah waited until he was at last alone before sinking, with a heavy sigh, down onto a large boulder, which was the only thing he ever kept close enough out here in the hot desert sun on which to sit. He wiped his brow again and shook his grizzled head. "Lord, I don't understand this. Every time I think I'm starting to understand Your plan, I get confused again." He didn't notice that he was now in shade as clouds gathered together to block the sizzling sun. "You know I don't deserve this, don't deserve their friendship, sure as heck don't deserve Nathan and this . . . whatever this thing between us is. But You keep on and You keep letting them keep on. I know we got free will and all that, but You could easily throw me a bone and get them distracted with something, anything."
He kicked at the sand beneath his feet. "Not that You're gonna. You've made that plenty clear enough. You want 'em in my life for some reason, want us all in each other's lives. Even today," he added in clear confusion. "I don't know why You want 'em in my life. They deserve better, especially Nathan." He shook his head. "But You keep 'em comin'. Keep him coming."
His head lowered as tears welled in his eyes. He closed his eyes against the torrent that he was barely holding back, and had been barely holding at bay for most of the last week. Today was the day, and his pain was even greater. He wished something could take it away, but no amount of love, alcohol, or even redemption could make him forget what he'd done and allowed to happen. Nothing could make him forget that for which he was responsible.
Part of him wanted to go to town, wanted to surround himself with Nathan and their friends, with beer and laughter and good or bad times with the guys, but he knew he didn't deserve any of that. He didn't deserve anything good. He most especially didn't deserve Nathan, the love he so freely and readily offered him any time he allowed himself to reach for it, or his friends and all they offered. Still, he couldn't help thinking about just leaving this mess right here and going after them. Even if he did, though, it wasn't like he was going to forget. He could never forget.
Thunder suddenly roared across the darkened sky. Wind whipped at Josiah, almost knocking his kerchief loose off of his head; he had to grab it and retie it to keep it on. He blinked as he looked up at the sky through his unshed tears. His mouth opened to ask a question, and a fat raindrop fell onto his parched tongue. More rain fell, beating down on him. He laughed but finally listened and made his way to his waiting horse.
The air around him almost seemed to sizzle as the raindrops pelted the sand all around them. Josiah ducked low across his mare's dark back as he rode Chaucer hard on the way back into town. To his surprise, Nathan met him just outside the last shop. "Thought you'd let the rain keep you away," the healer called to him over the rumbling thunder.
Josiah grinned at him. "You know me better'n that, brother. I'd never let a storm keep me away from spirits."
Nathan just laughed and shook his head. He couldn't think of an actual response to give the crazy man he loved so much. They both knew he'd been using every excuse to stay away all day, so for him to just claim that he'd let nothing keep him away was . . . ridiculous, Nate thought. Ridiculous but funny and ironic and so very Josiah. He kept shaking his head as they rode together not to the stables as he'd thought he would head but to the church.
Ezra was still polishing the door. Bucklin waved at them from the other side of the single window. Vin tipped his hat to both from where he leaned against a beam on the porch. JD poked his head into the window and waved. Josiah looked up at where Chris was still working on the roof in the rain and shook his head.
"Yeah," Nathan drawled, "you're not the only stubborn jackass. Now let's get the horses out of this mess."
Josiah laughed, and Nathan smiled, his dark eyes twinkling, at the way his lover's booming laughter commingled with the equally booming sounds of thunder. They rode, side by side, to the stables, but Josiah beat him in dismounting. By the time Nathan slid off of his saddle, the Preacher was already there beside him, waiting for his boots to hit the hay-strewn floor. "What . . . ?" Nathan started to ask uncertainly, but Josiah didn't give him a chance to speak.
Instead, alone and unseen by all but God in the corridor, Josiah cupped Nathan's face in his strong yet gentle hands and pressed his lips to his. He kissed him long and deep, and when he finally let up, he still held him and touched his forehead to his. "Thank you," he spoke.
"For what?" Nathan asked breathlessly, dazed and confused.
"For being here for me. For loving me, even when I'm a jackass. Even when I don't deserve it, and I know I don't."
"We've all done things, Josiah. None of us really deserve anything good, but God wants everyone to be loved. You know that. You told me that once," he whispered.
"Yeah. Yeah, I did." The Preacher smiled and nodded. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Josiah realized it had stopped raining. God had sent the storm just long enough to direct him home. It didn't matter that it was no longer raining; he wasn't going back out, not tonight and probably not even for the rest of the week unless something unforeseen come up. He was right where he belonged, right where he wanted to be, and most importantly of all, right where God wanted him to be.
"Still, thank you," he insisted. And thank you, Lord, for blessing me with this miracle of a man, our love, and our family. He felt almost like crying, but if he was to cry now, it would all be good tears. He was blessed, though he didn't deserve it, and damn it, he wouldn't forget again! Nor would he ever again take Nathan for granted. Still cupping his face and holding him close, Josiah kissed him again and again and again. The boys would have to wait a little while longer still after all.
The End
